The Three Men Behind One Great Horse

Behind every great story, there is always a special partnership in relationships. The story of Seabiscuit, one of the world’s most famous racehorses, is no exception. Seabiscuit was a national hero in the midst of the Depression when people needed a boost in their spirits. In 1938, Seabiscuit got more press in the newspapers than President Roosevelt and Adolf Hitler. Not only did he set a record for earnings, but he defeated the great War Admiral—a Triple Crown winner, in a head to head contest. Most horse racing experts consider that race to be one of the greatest of all time.

What made this incorrigible horse so successful? It was the three man horse racing team of Charles Howard, Tom Smith and John Pollard, and their unique ability, despite their differences, to join forces. Ecclesiastes 4:12b says, “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” This group of guys became a three stranded cord that made American history.

Charles Howard was a successful distributor of Buick, National, and Oldsmobile vehicles for all of the western U.S. The enterprise made him incredibly wealthy. Fifty-six year old Tom Smith was a man of the Old West. During his career, he held such jobs as horse trainer, lion tracker and ranch foreman. The two men could not have been more different.

Author and racing expert Laura Hillenbrand says of Howard and Smith:

The two men stood in different halves of the century. Smith was the last of the true frontiersmen; Howard was paving Smith’s West under the urgent wheels of his automobiles. Howard was driven by image; Smith remained the Lone Plainsman, forbidding and solitary. But Howard was blessed with an uncanny eye for horsemen. He took one look at Smith and instincts rang in his head. He drove Smith to his barn and introduced his horses to their new trainer.

John Pollard was the third part of this unlikely team. Not only was he a rider, but he had been a not so good prize fighter. He was a very tough man. As a jockey, he was oversize at 5 feet seven inches. By the time he was chosen to ride Seabiscuit, his racing career had seen better days. His best riding trait was the fact that he was willing to ride horses that other jockeys were afraid to try.

Jesus said in Matthew 18:19-20, “Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done by my Father in heaven. (20) For where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them.” The business magnate, the frontiersman, and the prize fighting jockey, three people who had nothing in common agreed on one thing—a seemingly worthless racehorse. They became a three stranded cord as they focused on the one thing they had in common and not on their differences.

I pray we would do the same as believers in Christ, and make history to the glory of God. The one thing we can agree upon is Jesus is Lord and Savior. Let’s focus on him and join together in our differences to accomplish his purpose.

Two Are Better Than One (Part 4)

The fourth benefit of relationships is the ability they give you to do more effective warfare. Ecclesiastes 4:12a says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.” One of my favorite examples of teamwork or partnership regarding warfare is found in the book of Exodus.

God had done some amazing feats through his leader Moses. One astonishing miracle followed another: the plagues in Egypt, the parting of the Red Sea, manna from heaven, and water from a rock. Even though Moses had performed many miraculous deeds, he still needed the power of partnership to defeat the Amalekites.

As the Amalakites were about to attack the Israeli camp, Moses called Joshua, his military commander, asking him to lead his army into battle. As Joshua and his brave warriors were fighting the Amalekites, Moses climbed to the top of a nearby hill to hold up the rod of God in his hands. As long as he had the rod lifted in the air, God would grant them the victory.

With Moses hands raised to the heavens, victory seemed inevitable for the Hebrews. However, something began to happen to Moses. His arms got tired. The man of God who had led them out of slavery and through the parted Red Sea simply couldn’t hold up his hands any longer.

Without help, the Hebrew people were doomed for destruction. But two men, Aaron and Hur, climbed up next to Moses, stood on his left and right, and held up his hands until Joshua and his men were completely victorious.

The Hebrews won the war that day and, in the process, they were taught a very valuable lesson—even God’s most anointed leaders need others to help them accomplish His mighty work (John Maxwell).

God is looking for people through whom He can do the impossible—what a pity that we plan only the things we can do by ourselves. A.W. Tozer

Two Are Better Than One (Part 3)

The third benefit of relationships is the warmth that they provide you with. Ecclesiastes 4:11 says, “Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?” I know this passage of scripture is talking about the warmth of body heat that is produced when two people lie down together; however, I also believe it can apply to the warmth that is produced in our souls from our relationships.

The human relationship that warms my soul (and my body) the most is the one I have with my wife Cindy. We both love to cuddle, so we are especially fond of the winter months. I am so thankful for the marriage that I have to my wife. I can speak from experience, and there is no doubt that being married is better than being single.

When I think of Cindy, there are so many memories that warm my soul. This year we will be celebrating our ten year anniversary. Every year in December, I am reminded of that special moment when we committed our lives to one another forever. I am just as happy today as I was on the day I said, “I do.”

We love our summer vacations with our family. Prior to our vacations, there is such an excitement to spend a week of undistracted devotion on one another and our family. Every week we have a date night. Like a first date, I still get excited to be with the love of my life for a special evening. We love to go to dinner and a movie. At dinner, we often talk about how we are doing, our children and the church we so dearly love. Like a kid in high school, I always say, “I am happy to be with you.”

As we sit in the movie, I love holding Cindy’s hand. It is one of the most satisfying feelings just to be next to her. Quite often, we don’t even have to be talking to enjoy one another. Just the fact they we are together, like sitting out by my parents pool, is a heart warming experience.

Some of my favorite moments with Cindy have been in the delivery room giving birth to our three sons. Even though the births were painful to Cindy, there is nothing like witnessing the first moments of your children coming into this world. Nine months of questioning and talking about what they will look like is answered in an instant. I always cry after the delivery because I am so thankful for my healthy sons, and for the special feelings I have sharing something so unique with Cindy.

Two Are Better Than One (Part 2)

The second benefit of relationships is the support and encouragement they give us in our daily walk. Ecclesiastes 4:10 says, “If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” If you live life long enough, sooner or later you are going to face adversity and trials. Sunday, August 20th, was one of the days.

Just after midnight, Cindy and I received a phone call from Clayton Bell communicating to us that they were having complications in their pregnancy. Kelly’s cervix was not functioning properly and the cramping she felt was actually contractions. Considering the advanced state of her conditions, there was only one procedure that was an option, and it provided nearly zero chance of things changing. Unless something happened, Kelly would go into labor within 48 hours, delivering a 21 week old baby that was much too young to live very long outside of the womb. The Bells went to sleep that night praying that our God would provide a miracle and allow the baby to live.

After checking to make sure that nothing had changed through the night, Kelly was placed on a medicine to bring about contractions. It was better for her health to have the baby quickly. After the doctor broke her water at about 4:00pm, Kelly gave birth to Grace Shiloh Bell at 4:45pm, August 20th, 2006.

Grace Shiloh, or Gracie, was beautiful and perfect. Small and too soon, she was nonetheless perfectly formed and so beautiful. They spent a little less than two hours with her while she was alive, and then she returned to her Heavenly Father, who graciously allowed them so much time with her. They love her infinitely, and cannot wait to spend Eternity with her creating all of memories that they won’t be able to have on this earth.

I will never forget my moment with Gracie. I felt I had looked into the face of eternity. In a moment of suffering, in her beautiful face I beheld the glory of the Father and the reflection of two wonderful and proud parents.

Grace!!!

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8

Beholding Gracie, I was reminded of the grace of God. The grace that empowers us to do the good works the Father has prepared for us, and to run our race in a way to gain the prize of Jesus Christ.

Rest!!!

Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. Hebrews 4:1

Looking at Gracie's face, I was also reminded of the rest my soul longs for in being in the fullness of the presence of God after finishing his work and crossing the finish line of my destiny.Gracie fought the good fight and finished her race. I pray I fight and run as well as Gracie Shiloh to the glory of God the Father.

It was such a privilege to be in that hospital room on Sunday. Cindy and I got to pray for Clayton and Kelly and pray over Gracie Shiloh. After two miscarriages of our own, we were able to encourage them with the comfort God had given us in a supernatural way having gone through our own trials of birth.

Not only did we encourage the Bells, but they encouraged us. We saw the joy of two proud parents. There is nothing like the gaze of parents upon their child. Not that I needed any more proof, but my faith was strengthened as I saw the same supernatural peace and comfort in their souls that Cindy and I had experienced. I left the room grieving, but encouraged and peaceful that this situation would work out for good and to the glory of God.

I am so thankful the Bells did not have to go through that day alone, and we could share in this experience. As Cindy and I were leaving the hospital, we gave Kelly’s parents a big hug and reassured them that we would do whatever it takes to love and support Clayton and Kelly during this time. They were thankful and commented on how many people from Every Nation had been at the hospital that day. They knew their loved ones would be okay because they have great friends.

Two are Better Than One

Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.” Gleaning from the wisdom of Solomon, let’s examine why two are better than one.

When you parent three young boys, every event or activity requires a plan of attack. Cindy and I have found raising three boys to be so much more enjoyable when we work together. This is especially true when it comes to getting the boys ready for bed. If I had to get all three boys ready for bed by myself, it would probably take an hour. Not only does it take longer, it is much more frustrating. However, when Cindy and I work together, we get the job done much quicker and easier. Together, we can have them showered and dressed in 5 minutes. I wash the boys in the shower with me and she drives them off and puts their clothes on. We rotate on reading them stories and laying them down to sleep. Our teamwork lays the foundation for a peaceful evening together. Two are better than one when it comes to parenting.

One of the best Bible stories about the power of partnership to accomplish a work is the story of Nehemiah. Like many Jews of his time, he had been uprooted from his homeland when Persia conquered Israel centuries before Christ was born.

Nehemiah was given an easy, but potentially deadly job, of tasting wine for the king. Though he was a foreigner, he lived in the palace, spent his days at the court and had great favor with the King. If he would have been content to just hold his position in life, he would never have discovered the incredible power of partnership, and would have missed the greatest accomplishment of his life.

After learning that his people were in great trouble, and his hometown of Jerusalem was broken down and burned with fire, Nehemiah was determined to do something. After securing permission from King Artaxerxes, he set out to rebuild the city walls of Jerusalem.

As he walked through the rubble, a passion burned inside to see his city restored. It must have been at this time that he realized the task was to big to do alone. He needed help from others who loved God and the city of Jerusalem.

Nehemiah gathered his fellow Hebrews and laid out his plan for rebuilding the walls. As one man they began this arduous task. As you can imagine, the rebuilding was not easy. To make matters worse, neighboring rulers opposed them and conspirators tried to stop them, but the people persevered. They worked side by side, laying stones with one hand and holding a sword in the other.

Astonishingly, the wall that had lain in ruins for years was built and restored in fifty-two days. This feat is one of the most remarkable accomplishments ever recorded in the Bible.

"It marks a big step in your development when you realize that other people can help you do a better job than you could do alone." Andrew Carnegie

The Liberal Baby Bust

I thought you might enjoy this interesting article from USA Today. God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it (Genesis 1:28). The birthing of children is a sign of life, destiny, blessing, prosperity and dominion. Over 25 new babies have been or or will be born this year in Every Nation Tallahassee families. His hand of blessing is upon us as a church. Thank you...Lord!!!

The liberal baby bust
By Phillip Longman
What's the difference between Seattle and Salt Lake City? There are many differences, of course, but here's one you might not know. In Seattle, there are nearly 45% more dogs than children. In Salt Lake City, there are nearly 19% more kids than dogs.

This curious fact might at first seem trivial, but it reflects a much broader and little-noticed demographic trend that has deep implications for the future of global culture and politics. It's not that people in a progressive city such as Seattle are so much fonder of dogs than are people in a conservative city such as Salt Lake City. It's that progressives are so much less likely to have children.

It's a pattern found throughout the world, and it augers a far more conservative future — one in which patriarchy and other traditional values make a comeback, if only by default. Childlessness and small families are increasingly the norm today among progressive secularists. As a consequence, an increasing share of all children born into the world are descended from a share of the population whose conservative values have led them to raise large families. Today, fertility correlates strongly with a wide range of political, cultural and religious attitudes. In the USA, for example, 47% of people who attend church weekly say their ideal family size is three or more children. By contrast, 27% of those who seldom attend church want that many kids.

In Utah, where more than two-thirds of residents are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 92 children are born each year for every 1,000 women, the highest fertility rate in the nation. By contrast Vermont — the first to embrace gay unions — has the nation's lowest rate, producing 51 children per 1,000 women.

Similarly, in Europe today, the people least likely to have children are those most likely to hold progressive views of the world. For instance, do you distrust the army and other institutions and are you prone to demonstrate against them? Then, according to polling data assembled by demographers Ron Lesthaeghe and Johan Surkyn, you are less likely to be married and have kids or ever to get married and have kids. Do you find soft drugs, homosexuality and euthanasia acceptable? Do you seldom, if ever, attend church? Europeans who answer affirmatively to such questions are far more likely to live alone or be in childless, cohabiting unions than are those who answer negatively.

This correlation between secularism, individualism and low fertility portends a vast change in modern societies. In the USA, for example, nearly 20% of women born in the late 1950s are reaching the end of their reproductive lives without having children. The greatly expanded childless segment of contemporary society, whose members are drawn disproportionately from the feminist and countercultural movements of the 1960s and '70s, will leave no genetic legacy. Nor will their emotional or psychological influence on the next generation compare with that of people who did raise children.

Single-child factor
Meanwhile, single-child families are prone to extinction. A single child replaces one of his or her parents, but not both. Consequently, a segment of society in which single-child families are the norm will decline in population by at least 50% per generation and quite quickly disappear. In the USA, the 17.4% of baby boomer women who had one child account for a mere 9.2% of kids produced by their generation. But among children of the baby boom, nearly a quarter descend from the mere 10% of baby boomer women who had four or more kids. This dynamic helps explain the gradual drift of American culture toward religious fundamentalism and social conservatism. Among states that voted for President Bush in 2004, the average fertility rate is more than 11% higher than the rate of states for Sen. John Kerry. It might also help to explain the popular resistance among rank-and-file Europeans to such crown jewels of secular liberalism as the European Union. It turns out that Europeans who are most likely to identify themselves as "world citizens" are also less likely to have children.

Rewriting history?
Why couldn't tomorrow's Americans and Europeans, even if they are disproportionately raised in patriarchal, religiously minded households, turn out to be another generation of '68? The key difference is that during the post-World War II era, nearly all segments of society married and had children. Some had more than others, but there was much more conformity in family size between the religious and the secular. Meanwhile, thanks mostly to improvements in social conditions, there is no longer much difference in survival rates for children born into large families and those who have few if any siblings.

Tomorrow's children, therefore, unlike members of the postwar baby boom generation, will be for the most part descendants of a comparatively narrow and culturally conservative segment of society. To be sure, some members of the rising generation may reject their parents' values, as often happens. But when they look for fellow secularists with whom to make common cause, they will find that most of their would-be fellow travelers were quite literally never born. Many will celebrate these developments. Others will view them as the death of the Enlightenment. Either way, they will find themselves living through another great cycle of history.

Phillip Longman is a fellow at the New America Foundation and the author of The Empty Cradle: How Falling Birthrates Threaten World Prosperity and What to Do About It. This essay is adapted from his cover story in the current issue of Foreign Policy magazine.

Freedom is Found in Serving

For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. (16) Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. 1 Peter 2:15-16

God, as our Creator, made every person unique and endowed each individual with a special gift. 1 Peter 4:10 says, “(10) Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.”

There is one common characteristic I have noticed in unhappy people after observing them for over fifteen years. Unhappy people are only focused on themselves. When we focus only on ourselves, we stay yoked to the things we feel will make us happy. We live a life of consumption. Whether it is a new car, new woman, or a new wardrobe, we spend time and money on that which we hope will satisfy. History has proven that “things” never produce true gratification. As a result, we live life depressed, bitter, angry or unfulfilled. The key to living a life of fulfillment is being able to use your gift to serve others.

I meet people all the time who are wandering aimlessly on planet earth wondering why they are here and what they are suppose to do. How many students attend college, earn a certain degree, and later discover they want to do something with there life that has nothing to do with what they studied. Going to college can teach you information and help you develop a particular skill; however it doesn’t guarantee you will have any better understanding of yourself. The key to using your gifts is being able to identify which ones you possess.

Therefore, we should look to the Giver of our gifts to grasp the true identification and understanding of the uniqueness of our design. After all, God made us, so he should know better than anybody else what gifts we possess and what purpose they should be used for. The key to discovering your gift is to know the God who gave it to you.

Something powerful happens in the human soul when we come to an understanding of who we are and what we are supposed to do. This understanding of our destiny produces a security in our soul. Only when we are secure can we be givers, and lovers of other people. When we are insecure, we stay in a constant state of fear and anxiety. This insecurity keeps us bound to the narrow focus of self. It is in this condition of the soul that self preservation manifests in our attitudes and actions. The key to security is to understand who you are.

Since Jesus was so secure, he exhibited a love for people who rejected him, sinned against him, and wanted to kill him. He had a joy that did not reflect his circumstances and the way people treated him. How could he function in this manner? He lived for others and not himself. The key to serving is love for others.

You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. (14) The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:13-14

Family Matters: The Unfading Beauty of a Gentle and Quiet Spirit

1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 1 Peter 3:1-4

Many women are taught that sexist men have subjugated them, and kept them in bondage, by forcing them to stay home and bear children, and that they must fight their way into the aggressive, competitive, business and professional world. Only by reaching the highest positions of power and influence in that area of endeavor can they find true fulfillment and meaning in life.

Is this assertive, confrontational attitude (so often necessary to be successful in the world) the attitude a Christian woman should have? It is obvious that many women have been greatly influenced by this kind of thinking. They have not realized that the real issue is not “What can I do?” but rather, “What does God say I should do?” A woman’s capability to work just as efficiently as a man, does not dictate the necessity of her doing so. Because she can develop toughness and competitiveness, should she? The Bible teaches a woman's true beauty and power comes from a gentle and quiet spirit.

As in every other area of life, we must look to the Bible to see what God says about character traits women should seek to display, and the role they play in society, family, and in ministry. We must bring our ideas about the subject into conformity with His, not expecting Him to put His stamp of approval on our “creative” ideas about how we can be fulfilled.

By the way, it is crucial to realize that a gentle and quiet spirit has nothing to do with personality. In fact the Bible tells us that all people, not just women, should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19). A woman may well have a bubbly, outgoing demeanor, but an attitude of submission and peace that radiates from deep within and expresses itself through the unique personality that God gave her. On the other hand, a woman may be quiet and seemingly very sweet, and yet be hard and rebellious in spirit, like a brick hidden in a paper bag. All women are equally capable of exhibiting the spirit that God seeks.

In 1 Peter 3:1-4, God is emphasizing what kind of heart a godly woman should possess. As her heart and attitude is right before God, it will manifest externally in an expression that will reflect Jesus. Hairdos, jewelry, make-up and clothing are not the issue. The point is women should not rely on the external things of life to make them beautiful. A beautiful woman is one who first and foremost is godly on the inside. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30).

Family Matters: Hindrances to Submission (Part 2)

A third hindrance to submission is fear. Fear might be expressed in this way, “I don’t think my husband can be trusted with my life, the lives of my children, and the future of our family. I am afraid he cannot handle the responsibility if I really submit to him and help to establish him as the leader of our home.” In submitting to her husband, a woman recognizes that she is submitting to God and trusting Him as the power behind her husband.

Another fear might be expressed like this: “I am afraid if I really yield myself to my husband, I will lose my life.” True life and purpose is found when we live to please and serve another. A marriage relationship should be the place we model “dying to self to live for another.” Only this attitude, which should first be modeled by the husband, can manifest in selfless behavior. Desperately holding on to your life by refusing to submit to your husband means missing the life and glory God has for you.

The fourth hindrance to biblical submission is individualism. The spirit of individualism, or independence, is everywhere in the world today, and many Christian women have imbibed of it. It is a very subtle thing, and can be seen in a woman’s desire for a career apart from her husband (nothing wrong for a woman to work), or her desire to keep her maiden name after marriage, and can even masquerade as a personal “call” to a particular ministry.

The “pride of life” to which Eve succumbed in the Garden of Eden was really nothing more than this spirit of individualism, this desire to be something apart from God and His divine order, to be wise, to know all that God knows. Its fruit is a delusion, for the promised independence is nothing more than submission to a different head—Satan. We are all “slaves to whom we obey, whether of sin and death, or of obedience to righteousness” (Romans 6:16). 1 Peter 2:19b says, “For a man or woman is a slave to whatever has mastered them.” Eve discovered slavery to sin (independence) much more demanding than obedience to God and His law.

Family Matters: Hindrances to Submission (Part 1)

21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:21-24

The first hindrance to submission is godly leadership is so rarely modeled by husbands in our society today. We are all influenced by the situations we grew up in or the paradigms we have experienced. Unfortunately, a majority of young women had a father who was lazy, selfish or too busy to spend time with the family. They might have had a father who was verbally or physically abusive to their mother. Also, many single women have married friends and have observed how their husband does anything but love them and serve them like Christ. Bad examples of leadership can be a real hindrance to submission.

The second hindrance to submission that a wife must face as she attempts to obey God and submit herself to her husband is the prevailing feminist culture of our day. Every day she is bombarded with voices from every quarter telling her to be her own person, seek her own life, have her own career, and be independent of her husband. Examples of successful career women who answer to no man are held up as the only women who are being fulfilled as persons. Those who preach this message fail to understand that being under proper functioning authority actually frees a woman to develop all the gifts and abilities God has given her in a way that will preserve her feminine uniqueness as a woman. Once again, there is nothing wrong with a woman who works a job. However, this should not be done at the expense of fulfilling your roles as a wife and mother in your family.

Family Matters: Misconceptions of Submission (Part 2)

Another misconception many women have is that submission is a contest, “If he is stronger than I am, I will submit to him. If he is not, I won’t.” Strength of will is not exclusively a male characteristic. Women often have a stronger will than their husbands. However, they can establish their husbands as leaders by their willingness to submit to them. They can make it easy for their husbands to lead, or they can make it extremely difficult, depending on their understanding of their biblical role. Submission is not a contest, with leadership going to the strongest marriage partner.

A final misconception is that submission is dependent on right decision making. “I will submit to him as long as he is right, but if he makes a stupid decision, I reserve the right to make the final one.” Submission is not a matter of right or wrong. His decisions should be the ones that God has decreed, and should determine the direction of the family. If he is wrong, God will hold him accountable and deal with him. His wife must trust the Lord to guide her husband. This requires faith in God. The husband and wife should pray and discover God's will for the family together. The wife can be a valuable source of discernment and wisdom in decision making.

I want to emphasize that as we submit to God’s delegated leadership, we can trust that the Lord will work all things out for good. God is a God of order and his delegated leadership should bring his will and way in the different positions they serve. We can trust God that if his leadership is not fulfilling their duties properly, God will remove them from their position. We can trust because God is just. What is so important in this process is the understanding of our roles as husband and wife. I hope this has helped you work as a team in your marriage.

Family Matters: Misconceptions of Submission

21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:21-24

Just as we respond to Christ’s love for us, a wife who wants to obey God will respond to her husband if he is leading properly. Built in her by God is a desire to give herself to a strong, decisive man who is laying down his life for her. Unfortunately, much of the emphasis on a wife’s submission has neglected the husband’s responsibility to love and lead his wife. God can require our submission to his will because he is love and righteous. This means his motives and his actions are always right. Husbands are to model their leadership after Christ. Their motive should be love and their actions should manifest in service to their wives.

Today, there are many misconceptions as to what submitting to your husband means. It does not mean being a doormat for a physically or verbally abusive man who is using his wife for himself. If the situation at home becomes unbearable, or there is a reason to fear for safety of family members, the wife should say to her husband, “I love you and want to be your wife, but not under these conditions. When you have gotten some help and can lead well in our family, I will return.”

Leaving is often the only thing that will get the attention of the abusive husband, and properly done is far more biblical and effective than verbally badgering him. Obviously, the details of how this will work vary in every situation. Still, the principle is that a woman does not have to remain in an untenable situation because of some ill-conceived notion of “submission.” The husband should be held accountable to fulfill the vows he made to God and his wife. When he no longer fulfills his vows to lead, love and serve his wife, he forfeits her responsibility to submit and follow.

Family Matters: The Result of Disobedience

In part four of family matters I want to study how the curse for Adam and Eve's disobedience has affected the husband and wife relationship.

(16) To the woman God said, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” (17) To Adam God said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat of it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. (18) It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. (19)By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.” (Genesis 3:16-19)

For Eve, the first result of the curse was increased pain in childbirth. The effects of the family have even impacted my family today. My wife Cindy just gave birth to our third son Noah. All three of her pregnancies have resulted in c-sections, with this last one being a classical c-section. As a result, she now has an upside down T on her stomach. Her scars remind us of the fact that through pain our children came into the world. Because of the three c-sections and the pain involved, we are not sure if we are going to have any more children. The scars could be the determining factor. Both Cindy and I feel that having children has been the greatest blessing of our marriage. I wish we could have experienced birthing our children without the scars. However, the scars make us appreciate them even more.

After telling Eve she will have pain in childbirth, God says, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16) The Hebrew word for “desire,” teshugah, is used another time in the Bible, and that is in the next chapter of Genesis. God warns Cain before he kills his brother Abel, “And, if you do not do well, sin lies at the door, and its desire is for you, but you should rule over it” (Genesis 4:7)

Sins desire was to control, or capture, Cain, and indeed it did. In the same way, as a result of God’s curse, a woman can be tempted to control her husband, to contest his leadership, to run the family if she can.

Biblical history records several instances of this feminine penchant for control; Sarah’s attempt to use Hagar to “help” God fulfill His promise to Abraham (Genesis 16); Rebekah’s deceit in tricking Isaac into giving his blessing to Jacob instead of Esau (Genesis 27); Rachel and Leah’s manipulations of Jacob and Laban (Genesis 30,31); and Jezebel, the wife of King Ahab, who led her husband into idolatry, and in essence ruled Israel through him (1 Kings 16:29-34,19,21). In Revelation 2, Jezebel is again mentioned, this time as a feminine religious spirit who has gained control, and who has led astray the church in Thyatira. In the 21st century, when people are very open to spiritual matters, a book like DaVinci Code is written to promote the worship of the sacred feminine.

How did the curse affect the leadership role of the man? It is interesting to note that “painful toil” was the curse given to Adam. In our society today, think about how many men are consumed with their jobs in the “dog eat dog” marketplace. They spend so much of their strength at work, they don’t have the time and energy to effectively love and serve their wives at home. Their wives become frustrated, hurt and bitter because they now have to fulfill two roles in the family. For women, this fuels the fire for control in the family.

The “curse of painful toil” that produces a passivity and neglect of family leadership in men fits together with the desire of a woman to control like a hand in a glove. Fallen men tend to want someone else to take the responsibility for the leadership of the family, and their wives step right up to do so. Neither understands that the pattern they are following is a result of sin, and God wants to reverse that curse in Jesus Christ, restoring His divine order.

Family Matters: The Role of a Wife (Part 2)

Secondly, after loving him by submitting to his headship, a wife is to love her husband personally. Paul says in Ephesians 5:33, “…and let the wife see that she respects her husband. In the same way that men are told to be considerate to their wives, (1 Peter 3:7) wives need to be respectful and understanding to their husbands.

A wise woman has respect for her husband’s manhood. A man has to lead his family, provide for them, and protect them. All these things require strength and confidence to accomplish. It is necessary for him to go out into the world to confront and conquer whatever obstacles there are to his family’s welfare. Without strength and confidence, he will be defeated.

Men are task and goal oriented from an early age. It is in the relationship with his wife that a man learns valuable lessons in how to have personal relationships. Have you noticed how little girls giggle (relate) and little boys tussle (compete). A wise woman will affirm her husband, not demean him, because she will understand that it strengthens him for his vital work of taking his responsibilities as a husband.

Nothing is more debilitating to a man than having his wife be disparaging about his manhood. A wife’s role is to continue to encourage her husband and affirm his manhood in healthy ways through love.

Family Matters: The Role of a Wife

Now that we have finished our teaching on the role of a husband, let’s look at three ways a wife should love and submit to her husband.

First, a wife should love her husband by embracing his position of "headship" or leadership in her life.

Ephesians 5:22-24 says, “22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

This is a command, not a suggestion, and the rationale for it is the pattern relationship that Jesus has with his church. Marriage is a picture of that relationship, and, just as the church submits to Christ’s in everything, so does a wife to her husband.

Notice the word “head” again. It is the same Greek word , kephale, that we discussed in an earlier blog, meaning authority and direction. The wife is to “submit” to that authority just as if it were to Jesus Christ Himself. That is what the Bible says, so it is not surprising to learn that the Greek world for “submit” is hupotosso, which is a military term meaning to rank under, or to put in subjection. In Ephesians, Paul goes on to say that not only is a wife to be subject to her husband just as if he were Jesus Christ, but that she is to do so, not just when she thinks he is right, but in everything. (Remember husbands, you are to love and lead like Jesus does the church. His example of sacrifice and service is the one we should model.)

Jesus, as the second person of the Trinity, showed us how to be under authority in the kingdom of God by submitting to His Father, the first person of the Trinity, in everything even though He was equal to His Father in every way. In the same way, wives are equal “heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7) with their husbands. “There is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). Submission is about order and function, not inequality.

This means that a wife’s relationship to God is identical in every way with her husbands. However, they have a different function in His kingdom. Just as God the Son functioned completely under the authority of God the Father, a wife is to function completely under the authority of her husband. This brings harmony to the home as all members of the family yield to the will of its head, and extends the kingdom of God into that home as its members operate as God intended them to operate. There is always a clear line of authority in the kingdom, for it represents the delegated rule of God. Without that clear authority structure, the rule of Jesus Christ, or the kingdom, is not realized. Stay tuned for point number two.

Family Matters: The Role of Husband (Part 3)

In part two we discussed how leadership is an important part of the husband’s role in a marriage. In part three, I want us to study five characteristics of family leadership that a husband should exemplify.

The first characteristic of leadership is decision making. Leadership, in the final analysis, is decision-making. Regardless of what is said, regardless of how things might appear, the one who makes the final decision is the leader. God holds the man responsible for his family, and for all the decisions that affect it, even those decisions that were made by the wife. Adam was accountable before God for the momentous decision Eve made to eat the forbidden fruit. “For as in Adam all die…” (1 Corinthians 15:22), “Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin…” (Romans 5:12), “For if by the one man’s offense, many died…” (Romans 5:15), “Therefore, as through the one man’s offense, judgment came to all men…” (Romans 5:18).

Secondly, listening is a characteristic of godly leadership. Any good leader takes advantage of the insights and wisdom of those he leads, and leading a family is no exception. By listening to our wives and giving them the opportunity for input, we increase the chance of making a proper decision. The same is true for our children, as they grow older.

Thirdly, being considerate is a characteristic of godly leadership. 1 Peter 3:7a says, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives.” A man should be aware of his wife’s needs. A woman was designed to be cared for by a man—first by her father, then by her husband. Because of this, God has given men the insight to know what their daughters and wives need, and then the ability to supply it. To do this well, men need to invest time, energy, and the care necessary to really understand their wives.

Fourthly, serving is a characteristic of godly leadership. Service is the only kind of leadership that is valid in family life. A man must look for ways to serve his family from a position of strength, as the decision maker. In order to do this well, his motive in leadership must be love from a servant’s heart.

The fifth and final characteristic of godly leadership is providing. God designed that the responsibility for providing the financial support for the family rest on the shoulders of the husband. Surprisingly, many men are pressing their wives to work in order to bring in the extra dollars to provide a somewhat higher life-style. This motive is selfish. In so doing, men are placing their most precious wives in the jungle that is the workplace; a jungle where many predators abound.

I am not saying a woman should never work a job. However, I do want to remind you that the most important job is the one done in the home. No one can make a house a home like a mother. Our family should be our first responsibility. Since the family is first priority, it takes a full time commitment to do it well. Family duties should never be neglected for another job or some higher style of living.

Family Matters: The Role of a Husband (Part 2)

In part one of family matters we learned that agape love is the number one ingredient to proper headship. Another key component to effective headship is leadership. Leadership in the family without selfless love is oppressive and despotic, but love without authoritative, godly leadership causes a lack of respect and even contempt, as a wife and her children unconsciously seek the strength that the man, as head of his home, is not providing. Strong family leadership from the husband and father produces security and purpose in the family.

From the beginning of creation, God created man, and held him accountable, to be the leader. This was certainly the case with Adam and Eve. God gave Adam the task of cultivating and tending the Garden of Eden before Eve was on the scene. It was Adam’s responsibility to explain to Eve their mission in life, just as God had previously done with him. His leadership was natural and not contrived, because he was equipped with the knowledge from God as to what their task in life would be. Adam was the leader because he was the one whom God had chosen to create first, and he was the one who had received specific instructions from God, including the prohibition of eating from the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Generally, most men tend to be more cognitive. This trait equips us for our role of leadership in the family. Women tend to be more people-oriented than men, and have closer and more intimate friendships. When important decisions with long-term implications must be made, it is usually not wise to base them on how one feels at that particular time, because feelings change very rapidly. Men are therefore better equipped to make the decisions that are necessary for a leader to make, though they should include their wives to help them temper those decisions with discernment and compassion.

What happens when men do not fulfill their role of leadership in the family? Once again, we find the answer in the story of Adam and Eve. Whereas Eve did not see clearly what was happening in the garden as Satan tempted her, when she offered the fruit to Adam, he knew perfectly well what was occurring. 1 Timothy 2:14 says, “And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner.” Eve was deceived, but Adam disobeyed. Disobedience always brings a curse.

Adam did what so many of us do as husbands; he just “went with the flow,” letting his wife do whatever she wanted, even though he knew she had been tricked by Satan into disobedience. He avoided confronting her and abdicated his role as leader in the family with disastrous results: a curse from God on each of them, and banishment from the Garden of Eden for life.

Why do men abdicate their responsibility as leaders in the family today? Certainly being ignorant of their biblical responsibility is a major reason. Laziness and selfishness are two other big factors, along with feelings of inadequacy due to past failures and today’s antagonistic culture. However, for Adam, eating the forbidden fruit was easier for him than going through the unpleasantness of telling Eve, “No!” Man fell, not because he ate a piece of fruit that God said not to eat, but because Adam failed to carry God’s delegated authority, and exercise it properly. Satan attacked the order of God’s kingdom, and Adam yielded.

As John Maxwell teaches, "Everything rises and falls with leadership." Our marriages would be better today if men would lead like Jesus.

Family Matters: The Role of a Husband

God has made us male and female, and there is a natural, God-given chemistry between the sexes. When both husband and wife understand their biblical roles and function in them within the context of a committed, permanent marriage relationship, that chemistry releases wonderful emotions for one another that God intended for us to enjoy.

First, let us look at the role of a husband. Ephesians 5:25 says, 25” Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” The Greek word for “love” in this verse is the word agape, which is a word that is used in the Bible to define God Himself. “God is love (agape), and he who abides in love (agape) abides in God, and God in him” (1 John 4:16b). Agape has it source in God, and husbands can love their wives in this way only if that love is produced in them supernaturally by the Holy Spirit.

It is my opinion that most of our relational problems today stem from the fact that husbands have not loved their wives properly. It is a fearful thought to think that one day I will be judged by God on how well I loved my wife. What makes this quite fearful is the fact that my judgment will be compared to Jesus’ love for the church, not to my next door neighbor’s love for his wife. Even as I think about it now, I have to cry out for mercy.

It is a serious act to enter into a covenant with another person. A wife is to be the object of the strongest, most creative force in the universe, agape love, the same love that Jesus Christ has for His bride, the church. Here are some characteristics of agape love.

First of all, agape love is unconditional. This means that it is a “love without reason”, not conditioned on any behavior or quality of the loved-one. Did not Jesus show His love for His church by dying for us while we were still lost (Romans 5:8), dead in trespasses and sins (Ephesians 2:1), and totally depraved with no reason for God to love us with ourselves (Romans 17:8)? Yes, he did. This is the way Christ loved the church, and that is the way husbands are to love their wives.

This love is not, “I love you if…(you are sweet, you do things for me, you do what I say, you look pretty, you are intelligent, and you are thin). Those types of love are not love at all, but indicate a selfishness that is really saying, not, “I love you,” but “I want you and love me!”

No, agape love is “I love you in spite of…(your attitude, what you do for me, your attention to my needs, your looks and intelligence). It is a love so strong that you cannot resist it, nor can you do any thing to cause me to withdraw it, and it will capture your heart.

Secondly, agape love initiates. Jesus committed Himself to us on the cross in His humanity, without the guarantee that anyone would respond to his selfless act of love. In fact, he knew his closest friends would deny Him on the way to the cross. Romans 3:11 says, “There is no one who seeks God.” Jesus came after us when we didn’t want anything to do with him. In like manner, the man is the pursuer, the aggressor, the lover. He is the initiator, committing himself first in his love relationship with his wife.

Finally, agape love is sacrificial. Jesus is our perfect pattern for our task as servant-leaders in our families. Matthew 20:28 says, “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” Jesus did not please Himself, but continually gave His life away for others, culminating in that final great act of service, literally laying down His life voluntarily on the cross for His church. Men, this is our pattern of sacrificial love for our wives.

True joy and fulfillment comes from loving, and not being loved. After being married for almost ten years, I have found this to be so true.

Family Matters Humor

I thought you might enjoy some marriage humor before we dig deeper into Family Matters. God bless and stay tuned for The Role of a Husband.

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says........."HEBREWS"

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said:
"It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Family Matters

After my Mother's Day message, I had an interesting conversation with a good friend of mine. This gentleman grew up in a particular sect of Christianity that never emphasized the blessing of having children. He said, "If my wife and I had been attending your church when we were younger, we would have probably had more children." I must admit that I was surprised to hear he had never heard this preached in his church. Since family is one of our core values in Every Nation, I guess I assumed everyone feels like we do about the dominion mandate (Genesis 1:28).

This conversation got me thinking about the reality of what is being taught in our pulpits today. As I pondered this further, I began to become deeply concerned about the lack of Bible knowledge people possess when it involves the topic of family. This was confirmed to me today by another conversation with a lady after our service. My sermon topic was called "The Role of a Husband and a Wife."

As I always do after church, I was standing at the entrance/exit door of our facility to shake hands with people as they were leaving the service. I recognized this particular lady as a first time attendee and began to engage in a conversation with her. She was very complimentary of the message she had just heard. I enjoyed meeting her and thanked her for her kind words. Then she said this statement, "My husband and I had no business getting married." In other words, she was communicating to me that they did not have a clue about their roles and responsibilities as a husband and wife when they got married. Sadly, I know this is true for most people who get married in our society today.

Family is the first institution God created, and it is primarily through the family that God intends to accomplish his purposes on planet earth. Unfortunately, we have lived with the devastating results from the breakdown of our families in the 21st century. History has proven that good intentions are not enough to produce a healthy marriage. We must understand God's intentions for us in this divine institution if we are going to build healthy marriages.

If we are going to change the world, we must have strong and godly families. Our future hope for a better world begins in our homes. Over the next couple of weeks I am going to blog on Family Matters. Starting on Wednesday, May 31st, I will be writing on such topics as the role of a husband, characteristics of godly leadership in husbands, the role of a wife, misconceptions of submission, and hindrances to submission.

Please stay tuned. I will try to e-mail a new blog on these topics every three to four days until they are done. I appreciate everyone who reads my blogs. I hope you share my passion for family, and take the time to make sure you have an understanding of your roles and responsibilities in marriage. The majority of the points and thoughts come from Robert Andrew's book "The Family, God's Weapon for Victory." I have included some of my thoughts and experiences from nearly ten years of being married and sixteen years of studying the Bible on these topics. God bless and remember Family Matters.