We concluded our series on Bringing Sexy Back…where it belongs! My wife Cindy and I shared our testimony and had a wonderful response from all who attended. We are now hosting two services, 9am and 11am, at Every Nation Tallahassee. We saw over sixty new people added to the church during this series. This Sunday, March 4th, we begin our “Vintage Jesus” series that culminates on Easter Sunday. We look forward to seeing you at church. Make sure you take the time to invite someone to attend with you. This series is going to be powerful.
On this blog, I wanted to answer questions that were asked during our “Bringing Sexy Back…where it belongs” sermon series. As always, I look forward to hearing from you.
Question: Is masturbation harmful?
Answer: Masturbation does not appear to harm a person’s body in any way medically, but it does impact a person’s attitudes about sex and the purpose for sexual activities. Here are some problems that are often experienced with a long-term habit of masturbation:
1. Focus for sexual activity becomes sexual release more than relationship connection. Since masturbation is a private sexual release, the importance of relationships is undermined.
2. The way a person learns to experience sexual pleasure often determines how he/she will experience sexual pleasures throughout life. Habits, especially ones that give pleasure, are hard to break. The body learns to respond to only one type of stimulation and has difficulty adjusting to normal sexual intercourse.
3. Masturbation elevates the physical aspects of sex over the emotional/spiritual aspects. With masturbation, the goal for sexual activity becomes orgasmic pleasure encouraging a “taking” kind of attitude verses a “giving” kind of attitude necessary for loving intimate relationships.
4. Masturbation increases the use of inappropriate fantasies in sexual activities and often is connected with or leads to the use of pornography.
5. Masturbation becomes a habitual activity and an escape from dealing with the realities of relationships.
6. Habitual masturbation leads to sexual dysfunctions such as premature ejaculations in males and dependence on certain behaviors for orgasmic release in both sexes.
7. Masturbation in marriage is a withholding of sexual intimacy from your spouse.
8. Masturbation is usually the activity of the addictive problem in sexual addictions.
Question: Is masturbation ever an acceptable behavior?
Answer: We do have to be careful about being dogmatic about anything the scripture is silent about. However, since sex was designed for marriage and is ultimately for relationship with pleasure being the by-product, I would conclude that masturbation is ultimately for self-pleasure which always involves some form of lust and sin.
Question: My wife and I are Christians and we want to have sex according to the Bible, but we’re not sure what things we are allowed to do. What kind of sex should we have?
Answer: The Bible is, quite frankly, more liberated on the matter of sex that most Bible teachers. Marriage is God’s idea, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty (2 Corinthians 3:17). In Song of Songs alone, we see the condoning of marital kissing (Songs 1:2), touching each other’s genitalia in foreplay (Song 2:6; 5:4-6), massage and petting (Song 4:5), a wife who enjoys her husband’s foreplay (Song 4:12-5:1), a husband who enjoys looking at his wife (Song 6:13b-7:9), a husband who enjoys his wife’s breasts (Song 7:7-8), erotic conversation throughout the whole book, and ongoing variety and creativity that includes new places such as making love outdoors during a warm spring day (Song 7:11-13).
Question: I am a single man who has a very strong sexual desire and do masturbate upon occasion to prevent a lack of self-control that would lead to other lustful and sinful actions. Is this okay?
Answer: First, make sure you read part 2 of my blog on masturbation and learn more about the importance of self-control and self-denial. Second, I would encourage you to be working toward marriage since you are obviously not built by God to endure a life of singleness. However, it is vital that you do not compromise the importance and sanctity of marriage by just marrying “anyone” because of your lustful habit. Third, masturbation will ultimately increase your desire for sexual pleasure, not relieve it. So, your reason for masturbating is not valid. Masturbation will actually lead you into other lustful and sinful actions such as pornography.
Question: I desire sex more frequently than my wife and need sex far more often than she does. She is frustrated with keeping her up to have sex when she is tired, and so we have pornography that I can look at and masturbate to when she is not in the mood to have sex. She is okay with this, and we are wondering if this is a sin?
Answer: Yes, it is a sin. You should stop looking at pornography immediately and throw it away. You are lusting after other women in your mind which is a sin, and it is causing your wife to deprive you of sex which ultimately is not a good thing (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). Also, your wife’s lack of sexual interest is probably due to your lack of meeting her daily needs by loving her and serving her outside the bedroom. The key to a good sex life is being able to address underlying problems that may exist in the marriage. If a man is as passionate about serving his wife, as he is having sex with her, usually he will get the blessing of the later by not neglecting the former.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Monday, February 19, 2007
Bringing Sexy Back...where it belongs. (Masturbation Part 2)
We had our third tremendous response during our “Bringing Sexy Back…where it belongs” series as over forty people flooded the altar of Every Nation Tallahassee to commit their lives to Jesus. This Sunday, February 25th, my wife Cindy and I will be concluding our series by sharing our testimony of how God brought us together. You never forget your first kiss!
Thank you for your positive feedback and comments. I am honored that you read my blogs. My desire is God’s best for your life. I look forward to reading your comments this week, and I can’t wait to see you Sunday at church. As I promised, written below is part two of my blog on masturbation.
It is important to remember that the God ordained purpose for sex is relational, increasing love, intimacy and unity in the marriage relationship with pleasure being the wonderful by-product. Contrary to the Bible, the world has the perspective that the purpose of sexual activities of any type is for pleasure and that the relational issues are not that important or significant.
The Bible does not mention masturbation directly in either the Old Testament or New Testament. The Hebraic laws found in Leviticus cover almost every conceivable kind of sexual involvement, but do not mention masturbation. However since masturbation is defined as private sexual release and does not directly encourage intimacy in marriage, it is a sexual behavior that can undermine God’s purposes.
There are two keys mentioned in the Bible that are essential character traits for anyone desiring to live a Godly lifestyle. The first one is self-control. Self-control in mentioned in Galatians 5:22 as one of the fruits of God’s spirit. One of the ways masturbation can undermine God’s purpose for sex is by discouraging self-control.
Self-control is vital in marriage for four reasons. First, couples can not have sex together at certain times of the month due to the wife’s menstrual cycle. Second, lustful temptation does not stop when you say “I do.” Third, in order to give sexual pleasure to your spouse, self-control that leads to sexual endurance is a must. Fourth, masturbating does not relieve sexual frustration. It is true that masturbation can temporarily relieve sexual urges and frustrations, but also causes greater and more frequent biological urges for additional ejaculations. Practically, as the body emits semen it then quickly produces more so that supply can keep up with demand. So, a man who masturbates to ejaculation will find himself masturbating with increasing frequency as his body continues to demand more frequent relief, thus negating his original goal of masturbating to relieve sexual frustration.
Self- denial is the second essential character trait. Jesus told his disciples and others, self-denial was to be practiced, first and foremost by those who would want to follow God’s way (Matthew 16:24). Once again, this is converse to Satan’s ways or secular teaching. The motif of the satanic bible is “Do what you want” or “Do whatever brings you pleasure”. No one can be an effective Christian without learning how to deny self in order to look out for the interests of others (Philippians 2:3-4). Since masturbation brings pleasure to only one person, which is “you”, it is the antithesis of self-denial.
Apostle Paul taught the church at Rome that when we do not worship God, we begin to worship self. As a culture engages in self-worship, it then practices unnatural and improper sexual activity (Romans 1). History now teaches us that Rome was not destroyed by external enemies, but by the internal enemy of lust that led to sexual perversion among its citizens. They should have listened to the apostle.
I am of the opinion that masturbation is an idolatrous activity. Marriage and masturbation are sexual activities that express our devotion, intimacy and worship. Marriage is God’s idea for sex that leads to relational intimacy with pleasure being the by-product, while masturbation is man’s idea that leads only to self gratification. Maybe that is why the Bible does not mention it…it is not God’s idea or plan for mankind.
Just as sexual intercourse is the sign that consummates a marriage, masturbation is the sign of self-worship. Paul wrote to his son in the faith Timothy, and told him that the number one indicator of a destructive society is when they become “lovers of themselves” (2 Timothy 3:1-2).
Masturbation, having sex with oneself, is the epitome of sexual activity that resembles people who are “lovers of themselves”. Nothing could be more detrimental to humanity than embracing a mindset that encourages a “to each his own” lifestyle.
Thank you for your positive feedback and comments. I am honored that you read my blogs. My desire is God’s best for your life. I look forward to reading your comments this week, and I can’t wait to see you Sunday at church. As I promised, written below is part two of my blog on masturbation.
It is important to remember that the God ordained purpose for sex is relational, increasing love, intimacy and unity in the marriage relationship with pleasure being the wonderful by-product. Contrary to the Bible, the world has the perspective that the purpose of sexual activities of any type is for pleasure and that the relational issues are not that important or significant.
The Bible does not mention masturbation directly in either the Old Testament or New Testament. The Hebraic laws found in Leviticus cover almost every conceivable kind of sexual involvement, but do not mention masturbation. However since masturbation is defined as private sexual release and does not directly encourage intimacy in marriage, it is a sexual behavior that can undermine God’s purposes.
There are two keys mentioned in the Bible that are essential character traits for anyone desiring to live a Godly lifestyle. The first one is self-control. Self-control in mentioned in Galatians 5:22 as one of the fruits of God’s spirit. One of the ways masturbation can undermine God’s purpose for sex is by discouraging self-control.
Self-control is vital in marriage for four reasons. First, couples can not have sex together at certain times of the month due to the wife’s menstrual cycle. Second, lustful temptation does not stop when you say “I do.” Third, in order to give sexual pleasure to your spouse, self-control that leads to sexual endurance is a must. Fourth, masturbating does not relieve sexual frustration. It is true that masturbation can temporarily relieve sexual urges and frustrations, but also causes greater and more frequent biological urges for additional ejaculations. Practically, as the body emits semen it then quickly produces more so that supply can keep up with demand. So, a man who masturbates to ejaculation will find himself masturbating with increasing frequency as his body continues to demand more frequent relief, thus negating his original goal of masturbating to relieve sexual frustration.
Self- denial is the second essential character trait. Jesus told his disciples and others, self-denial was to be practiced, first and foremost by those who would want to follow God’s way (Matthew 16:24). Once again, this is converse to Satan’s ways or secular teaching. The motif of the satanic bible is “Do what you want” or “Do whatever brings you pleasure”. No one can be an effective Christian without learning how to deny self in order to look out for the interests of others (Philippians 2:3-4). Since masturbation brings pleasure to only one person, which is “you”, it is the antithesis of self-denial.
Apostle Paul taught the church at Rome that when we do not worship God, we begin to worship self. As a culture engages in self-worship, it then practices unnatural and improper sexual activity (Romans 1). History now teaches us that Rome was not destroyed by external enemies, but by the internal enemy of lust that led to sexual perversion among its citizens. They should have listened to the apostle.
I am of the opinion that masturbation is an idolatrous activity. Marriage and masturbation are sexual activities that express our devotion, intimacy and worship. Marriage is God’s idea for sex that leads to relational intimacy with pleasure being the by-product, while masturbation is man’s idea that leads only to self gratification. Maybe that is why the Bible does not mention it…it is not God’s idea or plan for mankind.
Just as sexual intercourse is the sign that consummates a marriage, masturbation is the sign of self-worship. Paul wrote to his son in the faith Timothy, and told him that the number one indicator of a destructive society is when they become “lovers of themselves” (2 Timothy 3:1-2).
Masturbation, having sex with oneself, is the epitome of sexual activity that resembles people who are “lovers of themselves”. Nothing could be more detrimental to humanity than embracing a mindset that encourages a “to each his own” lifestyle.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Bringing Sexy Back...where it belongs. (Masturbation)
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Sunday, February 04, 2007
Bringing Sexy Back...where it belongs. (Part 2)
This Sunday, February 11th, at Every Nation Tallahasse, Pastor Adrian Crawford is going to talk about "The Morning After" in part two of our "Bringing Sexy Back...where it belongs" series. We had a great response from Part One, "Sex and the City", and I want to encourage you to download it from our free Podcast. I look forward to seeing you next Sunday. Until then, here is some things to think about in regards to different perspectives about sex.
The Secular World/Pop Culture view, as commonly expressed through media and even by many researches and educators, is that the purpse of sexuality is primarily pleasure. Pleasure is seen by most as the goal of all sexual expressions. If two consenting individuals desire to experience the pleasure of sexual relations in any particular form they choose and if it does not hurt anyone else, they should be free to connect and enjoy such pleasure.
When individuals make sexual encounters only a physical, pleasurable activity and remove the emotional, spiritual and relational components, they rob the sexual encounter of all its mystery and sacredness. If pleasure is the purpose and goal, then the other person is just an object to be used for sensual gratification. Every individual is a living soul created by God to be in relationship with Himself. Persons have great value and, when they become objects for sensual purposes, it is degrading.
The Godly/Christian perspective is that the purpose of sex is relational with pleasure being the by-product. The key difference concerns the priority of committed relationships. God created sex as the highest relational experience a couple can know in this world, a way for a man and a woman to bond and connect in a covenant marriage relationship. This relational covenant and connection is for creating a family built on the foundation of that relationship. In this connected and committed family, children can grow into healthy adults. The sexual relationship was designed to provide unity, love and pleasure for the husband and wife and to perserve this family unit. The purpose for sex was first and foremost relational with pleasure being the added bonus.
The secular world/pop culture perspective and the Christian perspective both produce logical, but different, attitudes and outcomes from sexual activities. If you chart the various aspects of these two perspectives, it looks like this:
The Secular World/Pop Culture Perspective:
1. Sex is for pleasure.
2. Sex focuses on the body.
3. Persons become objects to be used for pleasure.
4. Attitude is one of taking/using.
5. Consequences are destructive for both partners:
a. Partners feel used.
b. Partners feel guilt.
c. Self-esteem is lost.
Godly/Christian Perspective:
1. Sex is for intimate relationships in marriage.
2. Sex focuses on the person.
3. Persons are valued and experience intimacy with their partner.
4. Attitude is one of giving/receiving.
5. Consequences are enriching and healing for both partners:
a. Partners feel loved.
b. Partners feel affirmed.
c. Self-esteem is enhanced.
God's purpose/goal for sex is intimacy in the marriage relationship with pleasure being a wonderful by-product. Sex by God's design is about relationship much more than pleasure (Sex Matters - Waylon Ward).
The Secular World/Pop Culture view, as commonly expressed through media and even by many researches and educators, is that the purpse of sexuality is primarily pleasure. Pleasure is seen by most as the goal of all sexual expressions. If two consenting individuals desire to experience the pleasure of sexual relations in any particular form they choose and if it does not hurt anyone else, they should be free to connect and enjoy such pleasure.
When individuals make sexual encounters only a physical, pleasurable activity and remove the emotional, spiritual and relational components, they rob the sexual encounter of all its mystery and sacredness. If pleasure is the purpose and goal, then the other person is just an object to be used for sensual gratification. Every individual is a living soul created by God to be in relationship with Himself. Persons have great value and, when they become objects for sensual purposes, it is degrading.
The Godly/Christian perspective is that the purpose of sex is relational with pleasure being the by-product. The key difference concerns the priority of committed relationships. God created sex as the highest relational experience a couple can know in this world, a way for a man and a woman to bond and connect in a covenant marriage relationship. This relational covenant and connection is for creating a family built on the foundation of that relationship. In this connected and committed family, children can grow into healthy adults. The sexual relationship was designed to provide unity, love and pleasure for the husband and wife and to perserve this family unit. The purpose for sex was first and foremost relational with pleasure being the added bonus.
The secular world/pop culture perspective and the Christian perspective both produce logical, but different, attitudes and outcomes from sexual activities. If you chart the various aspects of these two perspectives, it looks like this:
The Secular World/Pop Culture Perspective:
1. Sex is for pleasure.
2. Sex focuses on the body.
3. Persons become objects to be used for pleasure.
4. Attitude is one of taking/using.
5. Consequences are destructive for both partners:
a. Partners feel used.
b. Partners feel guilt.
c. Self-esteem is lost.
Godly/Christian Perspective:
1. Sex is for intimate relationships in marriage.
2. Sex focuses on the person.
3. Persons are valued and experience intimacy with their partner.
4. Attitude is one of giving/receiving.
5. Consequences are enriching and healing for both partners:
a. Partners feel loved.
b. Partners feel affirmed.
c. Self-esteem is enhanced.
God's purpose/goal for sex is intimacy in the marriage relationship with pleasure being a wonderful by-product. Sex by God's design is about relationship much more than pleasure (Sex Matters - Waylon Ward).
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