We concluded our series on Bringing Sexy Back…where it belongs! My wife Cindy and I shared our testimony and had a wonderful response from all who attended. We are now hosting two services, 9am and 11am, at Every Nation Tallahassee. We saw over sixty new people added to the church during this series. This Sunday, March 4th, we begin our “Vintage Jesus” series that culminates on Easter Sunday. We look forward to seeing you at church. Make sure you take the time to invite someone to attend with you. This series is going to be powerful.
On this blog, I wanted to answer questions that were asked during our “Bringing Sexy Back…where it belongs” sermon series. As always, I look forward to hearing from you.
Question: Is masturbation harmful?
Answer: Masturbation does not appear to harm a person’s body in any way medically, but it does impact a person’s attitudes about sex and the purpose for sexual activities. Here are some problems that are often experienced with a long-term habit of masturbation:
1. Focus for sexual activity becomes sexual release more than relationship connection. Since masturbation is a private sexual release, the importance of relationships is undermined.
2. The way a person learns to experience sexual pleasure often determines how he/she will experience sexual pleasures throughout life. Habits, especially ones that give pleasure, are hard to break. The body learns to respond to only one type of stimulation and has difficulty adjusting to normal sexual intercourse.
3. Masturbation elevates the physical aspects of sex over the emotional/spiritual aspects. With masturbation, the goal for sexual activity becomes orgasmic pleasure encouraging a “taking” kind of attitude verses a “giving” kind of attitude necessary for loving intimate relationships.
4. Masturbation increases the use of inappropriate fantasies in sexual activities and often is connected with or leads to the use of pornography.
5. Masturbation becomes a habitual activity and an escape from dealing with the realities of relationships.
6. Habitual masturbation leads to sexual dysfunctions such as premature ejaculations in males and dependence on certain behaviors for orgasmic release in both sexes.
7. Masturbation in marriage is a withholding of sexual intimacy from your spouse.
8. Masturbation is usually the activity of the addictive problem in sexual addictions.
Question: Is masturbation ever an acceptable behavior?
Answer: We do have to be careful about being dogmatic about anything the scripture is silent about. However, since sex was designed for marriage and is ultimately for relationship with pleasure being the by-product, I would conclude that masturbation is ultimately for self-pleasure which always involves some form of lust and sin.
Question: My wife and I are Christians and we want to have sex according to the Bible, but we’re not sure what things we are allowed to do. What kind of sex should we have?
Answer: The Bible is, quite frankly, more liberated on the matter of sex that most Bible teachers. Marriage is God’s idea, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty (2 Corinthians 3:17). In Song of Songs alone, we see the condoning of marital kissing (Songs 1:2), touching each other’s genitalia in foreplay (Song 2:6; 5:4-6), massage and petting (Song 4:5), a wife who enjoys her husband’s foreplay (Song 4:12-5:1), a husband who enjoys looking at his wife (Song 6:13b-7:9), a husband who enjoys his wife’s breasts (Song 7:7-8), erotic conversation throughout the whole book, and ongoing variety and creativity that includes new places such as making love outdoors during a warm spring day (Song 7:11-13).
Question: I am a single man who has a very strong sexual desire and do masturbate upon occasion to prevent a lack of self-control that would lead to other lustful and sinful actions. Is this okay?
Answer: First, make sure you read part 2 of my blog on masturbation and learn more about the importance of self-control and self-denial. Second, I would encourage you to be working toward marriage since you are obviously not built by God to endure a life of singleness. However, it is vital that you do not compromise the importance and sanctity of marriage by just marrying “anyone” because of your lustful habit. Third, masturbation will ultimately increase your desire for sexual pleasure, not relieve it. So, your reason for masturbating is not valid. Masturbation will actually lead you into other lustful and sinful actions such as pornography.
Question: I desire sex more frequently than my wife and need sex far more often than she does. She is frustrated with keeping her up to have sex when she is tired, and so we have pornography that I can look at and masturbate to when she is not in the mood to have sex. She is okay with this, and we are wondering if this is a sin?
Answer: Yes, it is a sin. You should stop looking at pornography immediately and throw it away. You are lusting after other women in your mind which is a sin, and it is causing your wife to deprive you of sex which ultimately is not a good thing (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). Also, your wife’s lack of sexual interest is probably due to your lack of meeting her daily needs by loving her and serving her outside the bedroom. The key to a good sex life is being able to address underlying problems that may exist in the marriage. If a man is as passionate about serving his wife, as he is having sex with her, usually he will get the blessing of the later by not neglecting the former.
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