Should Women Be Test Driven Before Marriage?

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Hebrews 13:4

I am proud to announce that I celebrated my 15^th wedding anniversary with my wife Cindy on December 14^th, 2011. On that day I updated my status on Facebook with this good news and received 74 likes and 25 comments. I was very appreciative of all the likes and kind comments, but one comment really stood out to me. It said, “You're one lucky man!!! LOL! ;-) Congratulations on 15 yrs.! That's huge in today's world.” This person was correct! I am one lucky man, and unfortunately, being married for 15 years to the same woman is huge and rare in today’s world!

For the past decade, the overall American divorce rate has remained stable, at around 50% for first marriages. The statistics become more depressing for each successive marriage, with 65% of second marriages ending in divorce and even higher rates for third marriages and beyond.

Why do so many marriages end in divorce? No couple ever enters marriage with the expectation of getting divorced. Over 11 years as serving as a pastor, I have officiated many weddings. Every single one of them included vows that communicated a wholehearted commitment “till death do us part”. How are these vows so easily forgotten and broken by at least 50% of married people today?

I believe one of the main reasons is that too many men treat women like cars. Please allow me to explain. On the commentary show Hannity, he has a segment called “The Great American Panel”. On a recent show one of his guests Rebecca St. James, a singer and actress, was promoting her new book and talking with strong convictions about her great marriage. Rebecca and her husband waited to have sex, and consummated their marriage on their wedding night. It was obvious to witness that Rebecca was happy, content and fulfilled in her marriage.

Another guest on the panel was Jay Thomas, a Sirius XM Radio Host, who adamantly disagreed with Rebecca’s view on the sanctity of marriage. His philosophy is that women are like cars and need to be “test driven” before the marriage. He thought it was absurd to wait until marriage to have sex. It was obvious to witness that Jay was not happy, content and fulfilled in a relationship.

Before I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I lived a very promiscuous lifestyle. I thought that if I had compatible sex with a girl it would lead to a loving and committed relationship. This never happened! Sex between two people without a marriage commitment always leads to confusion and heartache. “Friends with benefits” just doesn’t work. Even Hollywood knows this fact.

After I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I learned that sex is reserved only for a man and woman in a marriage covenant. I made a pledge to never have sex again until I was married. After five years of abstaining from dating and sex, I met Cindy and married her. Our first kiss was on our wedding day at the end of our ceremony!

Cindy and I chose to abstain from sex, and not to indulge our emotions, desires and feelings during courtship and engagement. This allowed us to build a strong foundation, and establish a culture of trust, respect and honor in our relationship. Like Rebecca and her husband, we are content, happy and fulfilled in our marriage. Yes, even after 15 years!

Should women be test driven before marriage?

I answer that question with an emphatic no! I’ve tried it Jay’s way and I’ve tried it Rebecca’s (God’s) way. Experience has taught me that the latter is far better. Women are not like cars! They are far more complex, valuable and beautiful. You don’t purchase a wife! Instead, you enter into a lifelong covenant with your wife. A wife is not an item to be traded in later on down the road for a more updated model (no pun attended). She is worth a wholehearted commitment “till death do us part”!

Any man wanting to test drive a woman before marriage should be booted off the lot!

Hold on to the Good!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17

One of the incredible benefits we receive in Christ is that He makes all things new in our lives. He gives us a new nature, a new hope, a new purpose and a new future. In Christ, we get a new start. Who doesn’t need a new start?

2012 is here and at the beginning of every New Year there is the possibility of embracing the new things that God has in store for us. I can’t believe 2011 has come and now is gone. Many of my Facebook friend’s status updates on New Year’s Eve indicated that 2011 had been a difficult year for them. I must admit 2011 was also a challenging year for me in many ways. Several things in my life didn’t work out the way I was hoping they would. However, a new year always brings a fresh hope to my soul.

In Isaiah 43:18-19 the Lord says, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. (19) See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”

In this passage of Scripture, the Lord is reminding us to not dwell on the former things, but focus on the new things in the upcoming year. When we only focus on the unpleasant moments of the past, it causes us to not perceive the new blessing that is going to spring up in the future. God has the supernatural ability to make refreshing springs in the desert and wasteland places of our lives. He can turn that which has been barren into a fruitful place in the future.

One of the keys to entering the New Year in the right manner is practicing the discipline of letting go of the bad and holding on to the good. 1 Thessalonians 5:21 says, “Test everything. Hold on to the good.”

Unfortunately, it is human nature to forget the good events and only hold on to the miserable moments of life. When we do this, bitterness develops in our soul that poisons us, and causes us to be disillusioned with life.

I am committed to entering into 2012 “holding on to the good” and releasing the disappointments of 2011. I will use them as learning lessons, make the necessary changes in my life, and move forward in faith.

How do we hold on to the good?

We do it by giving thanks to the Lord, remembering that he is good, and his love endures forever (Psalm 118:1). As our Eternal Father, his thoughts toward our future and us are positive ones. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Remember, as you enter into 2012, make sure you leave the old behind and grab a hold of the new things God wants to do in your life.

What old things of 2011 are you releasing, and what new things are you reaching for in 2012? I would love to read your comment and pray for you!

Happy New Year!