Should Women Be Test Driven Before Marriage?

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Hebrews 13:4

I am proud to announce that I celebrated my 15^th wedding anniversary with my wife Cindy on December 14^th, 2011. On that day I updated my status on Facebook with this good news and received 74 likes and 25 comments. I was very appreciative of all the likes and kind comments, but one comment really stood out to me. It said, “You're one lucky man!!! LOL! ;-) Congratulations on 15 yrs.! That's huge in today's world.” This person was correct! I am one lucky man, and unfortunately, being married for 15 years to the same woman is huge and rare in today’s world!

For the past decade, the overall American divorce rate has remained stable, at around 50% for first marriages. The statistics become more depressing for each successive marriage, with 65% of second marriages ending in divorce and even higher rates for third marriages and beyond.

Why do so many marriages end in divorce? No couple ever enters marriage with the expectation of getting divorced. Over 11 years as serving as a pastor, I have officiated many weddings. Every single one of them included vows that communicated a wholehearted commitment “till death do us part”. How are these vows so easily forgotten and broken by at least 50% of married people today?

I believe one of the main reasons is that too many men treat women like cars. Please allow me to explain. On the commentary show Hannity, he has a segment called “The Great American Panel”. On a recent show one of his guests Rebecca St. James, a singer and actress, was promoting her new book and talking with strong convictions about her great marriage. Rebecca and her husband waited to have sex, and consummated their marriage on their wedding night. It was obvious to witness that Rebecca was happy, content and fulfilled in her marriage.

Another guest on the panel was Jay Thomas, a Sirius XM Radio Host, who adamantly disagreed with Rebecca’s view on the sanctity of marriage. His philosophy is that women are like cars and need to be “test driven” before the marriage. He thought it was absurd to wait until marriage to have sex. It was obvious to witness that Jay was not happy, content and fulfilled in a relationship.

Before I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I lived a very promiscuous lifestyle. I thought that if I had compatible sex with a girl it would lead to a loving and committed relationship. This never happened! Sex between two people without a marriage commitment always leads to confusion and heartache. “Friends with benefits” just doesn’t work. Even Hollywood knows this fact.

After I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I learned that sex is reserved only for a man and woman in a marriage covenant. I made a pledge to never have sex again until I was married. After five years of abstaining from dating and sex, I met Cindy and married her. Our first kiss was on our wedding day at the end of our ceremony!

Cindy and I chose to abstain from sex, and not to indulge our emotions, desires and feelings during courtship and engagement. This allowed us to build a strong foundation, and establish a culture of trust, respect and honor in our relationship. Like Rebecca and her husband, we are content, happy and fulfilled in our marriage. Yes, even after 15 years!

Should women be test driven before marriage?

I answer that question with an emphatic no! I’ve tried it Jay’s way and I’ve tried it Rebecca’s (God’s) way. Experience has taught me that the latter is far better. Women are not like cars! They are far more complex, valuable and beautiful. You don’t purchase a wife! Instead, you enter into a lifelong covenant with your wife. A wife is not an item to be traded in later on down the road for a more updated model (no pun attended). She is worth a wholehearted commitment “till death do us part”!

Any man wanting to test drive a woman before marriage should be booted off the lot!