Secondly, after loving him by submitting to his headship, a wife is to love her husband personally. Paul says in Ephesians 5:33, “…and let the wife see that she respects her husband. In the same way that men are told to be considerate to their wives, (1 Peter 3:7) wives need to be respectful and understanding to their husbands.
A wise woman has respect for her husband’s manhood. A man has to lead his family, provide for them, and protect them. All these things require strength and confidence to accomplish. It is necessary for him to go out into the world to confront and conquer whatever obstacles there are to his family’s welfare. Without strength and confidence, he will be defeated.
Men are task and goal oriented from an early age. It is in the relationship with his wife that a man learns valuable lessons in how to have personal relationships. Have you noticed how little girls giggle (relate) and little boys tussle (compete). A wise woman will affirm her husband, not demean him, because she will understand that it strengthens him for his vital work of taking his responsibilities as a husband.
Nothing is more debilitating to a man than having his wife be disparaging about his manhood. A wife’s role is to continue to encourage her husband and affirm his manhood in healthy ways through love.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Monday, June 19, 2006
Family Matters: The Role of a Wife
Now that we have finished our teaching on the role of a husband, let’s look at three ways a wife should love and submit to her husband.
First, a wife should love her husband by embracing his position of "headship" or leadership in her life.
Ephesians 5:22-24 says, “22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
This is a command, not a suggestion, and the rationale for it is the pattern relationship that Jesus has with his church. Marriage is a picture of that relationship, and, just as the church submits to Christ’s in everything, so does a wife to her husband.
Notice the word “head” again. It is the same Greek word , kephale, that we discussed in an earlier blog, meaning authority and direction. The wife is to “submit” to that authority just as if it were to Jesus Christ Himself. That is what the Bible says, so it is not surprising to learn that the Greek world for “submit” is hupotosso, which is a military term meaning to rank under, or to put in subjection. In Ephesians, Paul goes on to say that not only is a wife to be subject to her husband just as if he were Jesus Christ, but that she is to do so, not just when she thinks he is right, but in everything. (Remember husbands, you are to love and lead like Jesus does the church. His example of sacrifice and service is the one we should model.)
Jesus, as the second person of the Trinity, showed us how to be under authority in the kingdom of God by submitting to His Father, the first person of the Trinity, in everything even though He was equal to His Father in every way. In the same way, wives are equal “heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7) with their husbands. “There is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). Submission is about order and function, not inequality.
This means that a wife’s relationship to God is identical in every way with her husbands. However, they have a different function in His kingdom. Just as God the Son functioned completely under the authority of God the Father, a wife is to function completely under the authority of her husband. This brings harmony to the home as all members of the family yield to the will of its head, and extends the kingdom of God into that home as its members operate as God intended them to operate. There is always a clear line of authority in the kingdom, for it represents the delegated rule of God. Without that clear authority structure, the rule of Jesus Christ, or the kingdom, is not realized. Stay tuned for point number two.
First, a wife should love her husband by embracing his position of "headship" or leadership in her life.
Ephesians 5:22-24 says, “22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
This is a command, not a suggestion, and the rationale for it is the pattern relationship that Jesus has with his church. Marriage is a picture of that relationship, and, just as the church submits to Christ’s in everything, so does a wife to her husband.
Notice the word “head” again. It is the same Greek word , kephale, that we discussed in an earlier blog, meaning authority and direction. The wife is to “submit” to that authority just as if it were to Jesus Christ Himself. That is what the Bible says, so it is not surprising to learn that the Greek world for “submit” is hupotosso, which is a military term meaning to rank under, or to put in subjection. In Ephesians, Paul goes on to say that not only is a wife to be subject to her husband just as if he were Jesus Christ, but that she is to do so, not just when she thinks he is right, but in everything. (Remember husbands, you are to love and lead like Jesus does the church. His example of sacrifice and service is the one we should model.)
Jesus, as the second person of the Trinity, showed us how to be under authority in the kingdom of God by submitting to His Father, the first person of the Trinity, in everything even though He was equal to His Father in every way. In the same way, wives are equal “heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7) with their husbands. “There is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). Submission is about order and function, not inequality.
This means that a wife’s relationship to God is identical in every way with her husbands. However, they have a different function in His kingdom. Just as God the Son functioned completely under the authority of God the Father, a wife is to function completely under the authority of her husband. This brings harmony to the home as all members of the family yield to the will of its head, and extends the kingdom of God into that home as its members operate as God intended them to operate. There is always a clear line of authority in the kingdom, for it represents the delegated rule of God. Without that clear authority structure, the rule of Jesus Christ, or the kingdom, is not realized. Stay tuned for point number two.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Family Matters: The Role of Husband (Part 3)
In part two we discussed how leadership is an important part of the husband’s role in a marriage. In part three, I want us to study five characteristics of family leadership that a husband should exemplify.
The first characteristic of leadership is decision making. Leadership, in the final analysis, is decision-making. Regardless of what is said, regardless of how things might appear, the one who makes the final decision is the leader. God holds the man responsible for his family, and for all the decisions that affect it, even those decisions that were made by the wife. Adam was accountable before God for the momentous decision Eve made to eat the forbidden fruit. “For as in Adam all die…” (1 Corinthians 15:22), “Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin…” (Romans 5:12), “For if by the one man’s offense, many died…” (Romans 5:15), “Therefore, as through the one man’s offense, judgment came to all men…” (Romans 5:18).
Secondly, listening is a characteristic of godly leadership. Any good leader takes advantage of the insights and wisdom of those he leads, and leading a family is no exception. By listening to our wives and giving them the opportunity for input, we increase the chance of making a proper decision. The same is true for our children, as they grow older.
Thirdly, being considerate is a characteristic of godly leadership. 1 Peter 3:7a says, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives.” A man should be aware of his wife’s needs. A woman was designed to be cared for by a man—first by her father, then by her husband. Because of this, God has given men the insight to know what their daughters and wives need, and then the ability to supply it. To do this well, men need to invest time, energy, and the care necessary to really understand their wives.
Fourthly, serving is a characteristic of godly leadership. Service is the only kind of leadership that is valid in family life. A man must look for ways to serve his family from a position of strength, as the decision maker. In order to do this well, his motive in leadership must be love from a servant’s heart.
The fifth and final characteristic of godly leadership is providing. God designed that the responsibility for providing the financial support for the family rest on the shoulders of the husband. Surprisingly, many men are pressing their wives to work in order to bring in the extra dollars to provide a somewhat higher life-style. This motive is selfish. In so doing, men are placing their most precious wives in the jungle that is the workplace; a jungle where many predators abound.
I am not saying a woman should never work a job. However, I do want to remind you that the most important job is the one done in the home. No one can make a house a home like a mother. Our family should be our first responsibility. Since the family is first priority, it takes a full time commitment to do it well. Family duties should never be neglected for another job or some higher style of living.
The first characteristic of leadership is decision making. Leadership, in the final analysis, is decision-making. Regardless of what is said, regardless of how things might appear, the one who makes the final decision is the leader. God holds the man responsible for his family, and for all the decisions that affect it, even those decisions that were made by the wife. Adam was accountable before God for the momentous decision Eve made to eat the forbidden fruit. “For as in Adam all die…” (1 Corinthians 15:22), “Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin…” (Romans 5:12), “For if by the one man’s offense, many died…” (Romans 5:15), “Therefore, as through the one man’s offense, judgment came to all men…” (Romans 5:18).
Secondly, listening is a characteristic of godly leadership. Any good leader takes advantage of the insights and wisdom of those he leads, and leading a family is no exception. By listening to our wives and giving them the opportunity for input, we increase the chance of making a proper decision. The same is true for our children, as they grow older.
Thirdly, being considerate is a characteristic of godly leadership. 1 Peter 3:7a says, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives.” A man should be aware of his wife’s needs. A woman was designed to be cared for by a man—first by her father, then by her husband. Because of this, God has given men the insight to know what their daughters and wives need, and then the ability to supply it. To do this well, men need to invest time, energy, and the care necessary to really understand their wives.
Fourthly, serving is a characteristic of godly leadership. Service is the only kind of leadership that is valid in family life. A man must look for ways to serve his family from a position of strength, as the decision maker. In order to do this well, his motive in leadership must be love from a servant’s heart.
The fifth and final characteristic of godly leadership is providing. God designed that the responsibility for providing the financial support for the family rest on the shoulders of the husband. Surprisingly, many men are pressing their wives to work in order to bring in the extra dollars to provide a somewhat higher life-style. This motive is selfish. In so doing, men are placing their most precious wives in the jungle that is the workplace; a jungle where many predators abound.
I am not saying a woman should never work a job. However, I do want to remind you that the most important job is the one done in the home. No one can make a house a home like a mother. Our family should be our first responsibility. Since the family is first priority, it takes a full time commitment to do it well. Family duties should never be neglected for another job or some higher style of living.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Family Matters: The Role of a Husband (Part 2)
In part one of family matters we learned that agape love is the number one ingredient to proper headship. Another key component to effective headship is leadership. Leadership in the family without selfless love is oppressive and despotic, but love without authoritative, godly leadership causes a lack of respect and even contempt, as a wife and her children unconsciously seek the strength that the man, as head of his home, is not providing. Strong family leadership from the husband and father produces security and purpose in the family.
From the beginning of creation, God created man, and held him accountable, to be the leader. This was certainly the case with Adam and Eve. God gave Adam the task of cultivating and tending the Garden of Eden before Eve was on the scene. It was Adam’s responsibility to explain to Eve their mission in life, just as God had previously done with him. His leadership was natural and not contrived, because he was equipped with the knowledge from God as to what their task in life would be. Adam was the leader because he was the one whom God had chosen to create first, and he was the one who had received specific instructions from God, including the prohibition of eating from the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
Generally, most men tend to be more cognitive. This trait equips us for our role of leadership in the family. Women tend to be more people-oriented than men, and have closer and more intimate friendships. When important decisions with long-term implications must be made, it is usually not wise to base them on how one feels at that particular time, because feelings change very rapidly. Men are therefore better equipped to make the decisions that are necessary for a leader to make, though they should include their wives to help them temper those decisions with discernment and compassion.
What happens when men do not fulfill their role of leadership in the family? Once again, we find the answer in the story of Adam and Eve. Whereas Eve did not see clearly what was happening in the garden as Satan tempted her, when she offered the fruit to Adam, he knew perfectly well what was occurring. 1 Timothy 2:14 says, “And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner.” Eve was deceived, but Adam disobeyed. Disobedience always brings a curse.
Adam did what so many of us do as husbands; he just “went with the flow,” letting his wife do whatever she wanted, even though he knew she had been tricked by Satan into disobedience. He avoided confronting her and abdicated his role as leader in the family with disastrous results: a curse from God on each of them, and banishment from the Garden of Eden for life.
Why do men abdicate their responsibility as leaders in the family today? Certainly being ignorant of their biblical responsibility is a major reason. Laziness and selfishness are two other big factors, along with feelings of inadequacy due to past failures and today’s antagonistic culture. However, for Adam, eating the forbidden fruit was easier for him than going through the unpleasantness of telling Eve, “No!” Man fell, not because he ate a piece of fruit that God said not to eat, but because Adam failed to carry God’s delegated authority, and exercise it properly. Satan attacked the order of God’s kingdom, and Adam yielded.
As John Maxwell teaches, "Everything rises and falls with leadership." Our marriages would be better today if men would lead like Jesus.
From the beginning of creation, God created man, and held him accountable, to be the leader. This was certainly the case with Adam and Eve. God gave Adam the task of cultivating and tending the Garden of Eden before Eve was on the scene. It was Adam’s responsibility to explain to Eve their mission in life, just as God had previously done with him. His leadership was natural and not contrived, because he was equipped with the knowledge from God as to what their task in life would be. Adam was the leader because he was the one whom God had chosen to create first, and he was the one who had received specific instructions from God, including the prohibition of eating from the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
Generally, most men tend to be more cognitive. This trait equips us for our role of leadership in the family. Women tend to be more people-oriented than men, and have closer and more intimate friendships. When important decisions with long-term implications must be made, it is usually not wise to base them on how one feels at that particular time, because feelings change very rapidly. Men are therefore better equipped to make the decisions that are necessary for a leader to make, though they should include their wives to help them temper those decisions with discernment and compassion.
What happens when men do not fulfill their role of leadership in the family? Once again, we find the answer in the story of Adam and Eve. Whereas Eve did not see clearly what was happening in the garden as Satan tempted her, when she offered the fruit to Adam, he knew perfectly well what was occurring. 1 Timothy 2:14 says, “And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner.” Eve was deceived, but Adam disobeyed. Disobedience always brings a curse.
Adam did what so many of us do as husbands; he just “went with the flow,” letting his wife do whatever she wanted, even though he knew she had been tricked by Satan into disobedience. He avoided confronting her and abdicated his role as leader in the family with disastrous results: a curse from God on each of them, and banishment from the Garden of Eden for life.
Why do men abdicate their responsibility as leaders in the family today? Certainly being ignorant of their biblical responsibility is a major reason. Laziness and selfishness are two other big factors, along with feelings of inadequacy due to past failures and today’s antagonistic culture. However, for Adam, eating the forbidden fruit was easier for him than going through the unpleasantness of telling Eve, “No!” Man fell, not because he ate a piece of fruit that God said not to eat, but because Adam failed to carry God’s delegated authority, and exercise it properly. Satan attacked the order of God’s kingdom, and Adam yielded.
As John Maxwell teaches, "Everything rises and falls with leadership." Our marriages would be better today if men would lead like Jesus.
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