In part one of family matters we learned that agape love is the number one ingredient to proper headship. Another key component to effective headship is leadership. Leadership in the family without selfless love is oppressive and despotic, but love without authoritative, godly leadership causes a lack of respect and even contempt, as a wife and her children unconsciously seek the strength that the man, as head of his home, is not providing. Strong family leadership from the husband and father produces security and purpose in the family.
From the beginning of creation, God created man, and held him accountable, to be the leader. This was certainly the case with Adam and Eve. God gave Adam the task of cultivating and tending the Garden of Eden before Eve was on the scene. It was Adam’s responsibility to explain to Eve their mission in life, just as God had previously done with him. His leadership was natural and not contrived, because he was equipped with the knowledge from God as to what their task in life would be. Adam was the leader because he was the one whom God had chosen to create first, and he was the one who had received specific instructions from God, including the prohibition of eating from the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
Generally, most men tend to be more cognitive. This trait equips us for our role of leadership in the family. Women tend to be more people-oriented than men, and have closer and more intimate friendships. When important decisions with long-term implications must be made, it is usually not wise to base them on how one feels at that particular time, because feelings change very rapidly. Men are therefore better equipped to make the decisions that are necessary for a leader to make, though they should include their wives to help them temper those decisions with discernment and compassion.
What happens when men do not fulfill their role of leadership in the family? Once again, we find the answer in the story of Adam and Eve. Whereas Eve did not see clearly what was happening in the garden as Satan tempted her, when she offered the fruit to Adam, he knew perfectly well what was occurring. 1 Timothy 2:14 says, “And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner.” Eve was deceived, but Adam disobeyed. Disobedience always brings a curse.
Adam did what so many of us do as husbands; he just “went with the flow,” letting his wife do whatever she wanted, even though he knew she had been tricked by Satan into disobedience. He avoided confronting her and abdicated his role as leader in the family with disastrous results: a curse from God on each of them, and banishment from the Garden of Eden for life.
Why do men abdicate their responsibility as leaders in the family today? Certainly being ignorant of their biblical responsibility is a major reason. Laziness and selfishness are two other big factors, along with feelings of inadequacy due to past failures and today’s antagonistic culture. However, for Adam, eating the forbidden fruit was easier for him than going through the unpleasantness of telling Eve, “No!” Man fell, not because he ate a piece of fruit that God said not to eat, but because Adam failed to carry God’s delegated authority, and exercise it properly. Satan attacked the order of God’s kingdom, and Adam yielded.
As John Maxwell teaches, "Everything rises and falls with leadership." Our marriages would be better today if men would lead like Jesus.
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