Family Matters: The Role of a Husband

God has made us male and female, and there is a natural, God-given chemistry between the sexes. When both husband and wife understand their biblical roles and function in them within the context of a committed, permanent marriage relationship, that chemistry releases wonderful emotions for one another that God intended for us to enjoy.

First, let us look at the role of a husband. Ephesians 5:25 says, 25” Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” The Greek word for “love” in this verse is the word agape, which is a word that is used in the Bible to define God Himself. “God is love (agape), and he who abides in love (agape) abides in God, and God in him” (1 John 4:16b). Agape has it source in God, and husbands can love their wives in this way only if that love is produced in them supernaturally by the Holy Spirit.

It is my opinion that most of our relational problems today stem from the fact that husbands have not loved their wives properly. It is a fearful thought to think that one day I will be judged by God on how well I loved my wife. What makes this quite fearful is the fact that my judgment will be compared to Jesus’ love for the church, not to my next door neighbor’s love for his wife. Even as I think about it now, I have to cry out for mercy.

It is a serious act to enter into a covenant with another person. A wife is to be the object of the strongest, most creative force in the universe, agape love, the same love that Jesus Christ has for His bride, the church. Here are some characteristics of agape love.

First of all, agape love is unconditional. This means that it is a “love without reason”, not conditioned on any behavior or quality of the loved-one. Did not Jesus show His love for His church by dying for us while we were still lost (Romans 5:8), dead in trespasses and sins (Ephesians 2:1), and totally depraved with no reason for God to love us with ourselves (Romans 17:8)? Yes, he did. This is the way Christ loved the church, and that is the way husbands are to love their wives.

This love is not, “I love you if…(you are sweet, you do things for me, you do what I say, you look pretty, you are intelligent, and you are thin). Those types of love are not love at all, but indicate a selfishness that is really saying, not, “I love you,” but “I want you and love me!”

No, agape love is “I love you in spite of…(your attitude, what you do for me, your attention to my needs, your looks and intelligence). It is a love so strong that you cannot resist it, nor can you do any thing to cause me to withdraw it, and it will capture your heart.

Secondly, agape love initiates. Jesus committed Himself to us on the cross in His humanity, without the guarantee that anyone would respond to his selfless act of love. In fact, he knew his closest friends would deny Him on the way to the cross. Romans 3:11 says, “There is no one who seeks God.” Jesus came after us when we didn’t want anything to do with him. In like manner, the man is the pursuer, the aggressor, the lover. He is the initiator, committing himself first in his love relationship with his wife.

Finally, agape love is sacrificial. Jesus is our perfect pattern for our task as servant-leaders in our families. Matthew 20:28 says, “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” Jesus did not please Himself, but continually gave His life away for others, culminating in that final great act of service, literally laying down His life voluntarily on the cross for His church. Men, this is our pattern of sacrificial love for our wives.

True joy and fulfillment comes from loving, and not being loved. After being married for almost ten years, I have found this to be so true.